I think this is a god over-a-year-lapsed-between part 2 to my last LJ entry.

Brandon & I broke up &, as always, I have to find the perfect song to describe how I feel. Just found it:


Maria Taylor - Lady Luck

We were the words that washed from the sand - I still prayed we wouldn't give it up.
We were the wings of a hummingbird, but I grew tired as I would wait for Lady Luck.

We were the blue in the newborn's eye - I still prayed we could keep it up.
We were the view from my childhood room, but I grew wise as I would look for Lady Luck.

We were the wear in my favorite shirt, I still prayed we could make it work.
We were the lair for the baby cubs, but I grew strong as I prepared for Lady Luck.

And follow yourself & hope that you know where your going,
&don't question your steps that lead you into the morning.
And you'll meet a friend along the way. You can't wait for each new day.
It doesn't always work the way you planned it. I like it better this way.

It's lady luck.

 Some things are too good. Some things are pretty bad.

I smashed a full soda over my boyfriend's head & whilst balling for an extended & being told that I'll be loved no matter what, I decided to take my bipolar medication again. MISTAKE. Then I suffered from withdrawal for several days & haven't slept a full night since, but things are looking up.

Speaking of my boyfriend, I totally don't believe in happily ever after, so why have things been so amazing? Can you quit reading my mind all the time & making me love you so much? ps. I still can't trust you because of the past.


NO job. No money. Wish I was better at school.

This is immature, I guess.

i just found out what brandon, john & i's "seasons" are! john is a summer. i am a spring & brandon is a winter. LET'S BUY NEW CLOTHES AND MAKE UP.

i'm back to my old ways: throwing fits, being in love, never sleeping, devoting my spare time to art & writing, internet addiction, & partying.

i guess i can't change who i am?

WHAT'S GOING ON RIGHT NOW?


i'm eating cottage cheese & drinking soda & making an azure ray/ maria taylor "best of" mix cd. & getting everything ready to spend all night making drawing and painting ON PAPER. instead of my usually knit fabrics.

i've been writing a lot lately, too. nothing too special, 3 page long proses about your heart bloodying up my papers as it rolls around in my book bag.